The Felix Chronicles

Monday 1st January 2018!

New year, same me, threw my breakfast all over the floor!

Mummy said something about ‘resolutions’? Whatever that is! Then grabbed her camera and took me upstairs. I’m not sure why she was telling me to stand in front of a white wall over and over, but she seemed to be pretty adamant that I should stand still.

Problem was, being the new year and all, I’ve decided to really commit this time to being the fastest toddler in the world.

Alongside lapping everyone on the couch, I must’ve lapped Mummy at least 12 times.

Tuesday 2nd January 2018

I overheard Mummy and Daddy talking about us all having fun together without spending too much money; but it was really windy outside and everywhere else is a ‘rip off’?

Daddy then had the best idea in the world! We would all go to the aquarium. My favourite parts were the penny press machine (£1 and 1p), ride on boat (£1 per go) and the disabled access ramps (£20 entrance fee).

I did pick some things up in the gift shop, but decided to put them all back in different places instead. Seeing as we were trying to have an affordable family day out.

Wednesday 3rd January 2018

Mummy took me to see her friend that has a cat. Everyone kept telling me it wasn’t a very nice cat, but that didn’t worry me one bit!

Her house was better than softplay. We got to climb up and down the stairs so. many. times. And hid under the rug, and explored all of the rooms. Whenever Mummy sat down, I saw something new that I wanted her to come and see!

We didn’t get to see much of Mummy’s friend, but I really want to go back to her house again soon.

Thursday 4th January 2018

As per our night time regime, me and Mummy went for a relaxing bath together. We usually start off by singing songs and playing with toys. Then when I’m done with my toys, Mummy helps me practice my words and signs for them.

We’re still going through our selection of Lush products from Christmas, and this time I chose the Christmas cracker bubble bar. With my bit of the bubble bar, I broke one bit off and put it on one nipple. Then broke another off to put it on the other nipple.

Turns out, Mummy didn’t know that when Daddy takes me for a bath he spends the whole time teaching me how to put things on my nipples, shimmy and shout ‘woo!’.

Friday 5th January 2018

I went to my first ever birthday party! My best friend was turning 2 and he’d invited me to celebrate with him.

Firstly, I played in the shop where I found tonnes of rubber eggs. I put them all in a shopping basket and went to take them to the doctors. As I was leaving, a security toddler got really mad and threw all of the eggs out of my basket and slapped my hand whenever I went to pick one up. He must’ve seen that I had forgot to pay.

About an hour in someone shouted ‘Food!’, so I took a seat at a table just the right height for me and got offered tray after tray of different foods. Mummy put extra grapes and a sandwich on my plate, but I only had eyes for the crisps that someone had left right in front of me.

Toddlers everywhere were knocking drinks all over the table! Causing enough of a distraction that Mummy didn’t see how many Jaffa cakes I’d been nabbing too. All before the cake! I had absolutely no space for the grapes and sandwich. BEST. DAY. EVER.

Saturday 6th January 2018

Mummy had invited one of her friends to come round to play with me, but I don’t know why Mummy kept trying to sit down and talk to her. Mummy knew that I wanted to show her all of my toys and give her a tour of the house.

I started to get grumpy with it all and wanted to sleep. Mummy then put on this absolutely magnificent fluffy jumper and I thought maybe, just maybe, she was hiding a cat in it.

I jumped straight on her, put my hand down it, tried to fit my head in it and shouted ‘cat!’ several times over. I couldn’t find a cat, but they’re nervous creatures and might have ran away when it saw me coming.

Sunday 7th January 2018

We let Mummy sleep in, so I grabbed Daddy by the balls and showed him who’s the real boss around here. I managed to have no nappy on for two hours (new personal record), pee on the floor twice and poop whilst playing with my trains.

I also kept checking that Mummy didn’t actually want to play with me (every 20 minutes), but she was a tough nut to crack. Eventually my reign brought Daddy to tears, so Mummy had to get up and convince me to put a nappy on. She also gave me a banana because I was starting to get hangry. Annoyingly, she then chopped up another banana and put it in her cereal, and it looked way better than mine! So I threw mine on the floor and asked for hers.

Why do parents do that?


Instantly regretting the moment I threw a tantrum and took off my hat in -1°c winds. 


Fe x


Leave a Reply